"I could do with a trouser press" and other interesting expenses claims

Having been out of the country for a fair while you could say I had missed some of the epic political dramas of recent times. All of which appear to have happened in the first 5 months of this year and under Brown's (prolific?) reign. Wow. What has the country come to? To quote Lily Allen (and it's always fun when pop culture and politics align,) "everyone's at it." No, not drugs, although it's a wonder there haven't been a few claims for recreational recovery-aides (god knows the Speaker needs Valium, and is clearly on something the majority of the time anyway.) Whilst I was basking in Bali, touring Thailand and vanquishing Vietnam (can I claim for those on expenses?) it appears the tiny threads that held are political system together finally crumbled and disappeared. I blame Brown. I mean, it's not really his fault, but when the PM is so useless it does make you start to question everything about the way "democracy" is 'done' in England.

So, after Harriet Harman decided that MP's expenses should not have to be disclosed under the Freedom of Information Act, an EDM (drafted by our very own Jo Swinson-the baby with the brains? I'd give her more credit than most MP's put together,) began circulating to demand that the expenses become as translucent as possible, so that we could all see where our taxes had gone. And here we are. We see that MP's have claimed for things as exciting as interior designers (couldn't she have just bought "Good Homes" magazine?) mortgages that had already been repaid (he was probably sub-letting it as well, they are starting to sound like a load of fraudulent benefit claimants,) elephant-shaped lamps (not even nice, MP's have bad taste,) and chocolate santas. Crikey. And don't I wish i'd already become an MP, the things I could have had.

Sadly the Lib Dems don't appear unscathed, with brilliant claims having been made for a trouser press (come on, he's got to look smart, right?) a rocking chair (that's a bit excessive, she couldn't got a cheaper one from Ikea,) and my own personal favourite, a council tax summons, claimed by who else but Lembit. Bless 'im. I can see the next song written for glee club now...

It's all providing great entertainment, but when they have paid back the money and crept away into a dark crevice of their constituency home (which they now have to pay for themselves generally, shock of shocks,) the ashes of yet-another-scandal will remain on that most tarnished of carpets. Can anyone have faith in the current political spectrum? If people at the next GE were not coming out in droves to vote against Labour in protest, I wouldn't be surprised if turnout was lower than ever. It's a shame that expenses-gate can't be brushed under the carpet as easily as some of the scandals that have occurred in recent times, so that the politicians could get on with actually doing something useful, but they will probably all have to get second jobs now to supplement them so they can afford to have their moats cleaned.

The Express way to get me fired up

I was incensed yesterday (not something I have been for a while, surprisingly) whilst on my way to the Heathrow Connect/Express terminal to come back from dropping the OH at the airport. Ok, I got lost on my way to the underground, (why do you have to go through arrivals to get to it? Why is it not better signposted?) i'm not paying stupid amounts of money to pretend i'm posh and only end up in Paddington when I need to get further into London. I don't see the point of it myself, i'm sure business men like to think themselves all fancy to have to change trains 3 times before they even hit Kings Cross but personally i'd rather stay on the Piccadilly line and get to where I want to go without having to move (but then maybe that's a woman thing?)

Anyway, it wasn't getting lost that annoyed me, but rather that in the dim and desolate corridors on route to the HC terminal I was harassed (verbally, but otherwise one of us may have had a free trip to A & E and I wasn't planning on it being me) by a middle aged man who decided to start having a discussing with my rear. Eloquent as it is, i'd rather people talk to my face. He didn't have a sufficient answer as to why he was speaking to my behind (and what can one do when walking in front of someone who is clearly enjoying ogling you-when I walked faster he only seemed to enjoy it all the more.) I was happy when I realised I had gone the wrong way, turned back and wasn't followed to the tube. Those corridors are really empty, even at 8pm at night. I resolve never to go on the HC/HE (certainly not on my own;) i'm not paying over the odds to be harassed and get stuck on a train (however fast they reckon it is) with pervy men who can't manage to have a real conversation with a woman.

Coal in the stocking for Chris Cringle

Ok, his name isn't really Chris Cringle (although i'm surprised he hasn't changed it by deedpoll) I made that up for alliterative purposes. I refer to Mr Christmas, aka Andy Park, who has celebrated Christmas every day since 1994. The credit crunch has hit Mr Christmas where it hurts-right in the turkey, and left him out in the cold (ho ho ho.) This is the man who has claimed to have eaten up to 20 mince pies a day (surprisingly the obesity "epidemic" hasn't gotten to him before the credit crunch), drinks a bottle of champagne a day (alright for some) and has purchased 30 artificial christmas trees since he began his Christmarexia (the new term for someone addicted to Christmas-if they publish it I get to say I made up a whole new word.)

It will be interesting to see just how Mr Christmas copes with the CC. Without Woolies to purchase cheap tinsel from perhaps he will have tone down the decs? Aldi and Lidl are doing very well however, so perhaps the prices of turkey (can you get it all year round or does he have to resort to chicken?) will drop; or rather the availability of it in cheaper supermarkets will increase? (I don't advocate the cheapening of animal products-it makes me increasingly concerned about animal welfare. Perhaps Mr C should consider becoming vegetarian?) Will he have to drink cava instead of champagne? Listen to the Queen's speech on an ipod rather than watching it on dvds? Live in the real world for a change? Andy, I await your next interview with baited breath...

Climate Chaos-Marching for Change

Here I am pictured with the fabulous Susan Kramer, MP for Richmond Park, at the National Climate March organised by the Campaign Against Climate Change. You can find out more details at their website: http://www.campaigncc.org/

A number of Lib Dem campaigners took part in the march. Liberal Youth put on a good show, with placards for our masses. Unfortunately we had no Liberal Democrats banners or placards, not even any showing the bird! The NUT made a good show with their regular banner held high, which received a lot of publicity and media interest. It was a shame that the powers that be did not come through on their promise of some good (and indeed taylor-made) placards, as we would have been a much more noticeable force (which would have allowed us to stick together more easily for one thing!) It was left to Elaine Bagshaw, current Chair of Liberal Youth, to bring their placards (on her own-which she did a grand job of but sadly there weren't enough.) Judging by the show that has been put on in recent by-elections (and indeed-where were my balloons??!) we know the campaigns dept can manage these things (despite it maybe taking two or three attempts at some decent organisation and getting the right amount of things to a certain place at the right time) but on this occassion we had to make do without.

The march, despite being very cold, was extremely well-attended and a really positive atmosphere was maintained thanks to some great bands along the way. The march culminated with speakers including our very own Nick Clegg at Parliament Square, with the message repeated as ever-that we cannot do enough to tackle the escalating problem of climate change and it is time that our current Government stood up and took serious action on the matter. As the party with the greenest policies and the only real, radical solutions to problems of the environment, we will lead the way in showing the other parties just exactly how seriously we should all be taking climate chaos and environmental damage.

Un-Warranted Attention?

The state opening of Parliament and the Queen's Speech was overshadowed today by the admission by the Speaker that the police raided Damian Green's office without even having a warrant! The new Sergent at Arms was in-part blamed for not knowing she was able to ask for a warrant, but the Speaker took the flak as the Tories began a tirade against Gordon Brown, attempting to force him into an admission that he regretted the raid. Of course he was unable to say yes, but as more egg falls on his (virtual omellate-of-a-) face, the fact that under his leadership such a miscarriage of the law occurred cannot do much to help his weakened position. The Speaker, too, needed no more ammunition stacked against him after being accused of fiddling expenses, and is skating on thin ice (obligatory festive reference) as far as the public and MPs of the opposition parites are concerned.

Has America officially gone mad?

In the past week I have read and heard about a few incidents in the US which, while they don't exactly shock me, make me a little more concerned than I formally was about the sanity of your average American. Firstly we have the Wallmart stampede-a 34 year old shopworker died as shoppers (crazy with "Black Friday" fever apparantly,) ambused the store. He was knocked to the ground (along with a heavily pregnant woman) and was trodden on, so much so that he was unable to breathe and died. http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2008/11/28/2008-11-28_worker_dies_at_long_island_walmart_after.html

Then we have the Toys R Us shootings (http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/11/28/national/main4637468.shtml), another Black Friday special. This time the viloence occured in Southern California, where two women began arguing (Toys R Us state it was not over a toy) and fighting with each other. Their male partners apparantly then pulled guns on each other and chased each other around the store before shooting each other dead in front of children and parents shopping in the store.

It makes me glad that I live in what we like to think of a civilised country. I know we have our fair share of violent crimes, which seem to be escalating all the time, but I hope we can feel safe in a toy shop with our children, or in the supermarket doing our weekly shop? The incidents in America prove that no matter how rude or abusive someone is you should never antagonise them, for fear of retribution. I was in the US last year on Black Friday and, although the shops were busier, it wasn't mayhem. Thanksgiving celebrations over (and the giving thanks clearly long forgotten) Black Friday spells the day when the Christmas shopping really begins, a festive time, where people prepare for the time they will spend sharing with loved ones. Maybe they could remember the meaning of both Thanksgiving and Christmas (and i'm not talking about the religiosity of it, but surely both are a time for goodwill, family and cheer?) next year so that Black Friday doesn't end up blacker than ever?

7000 little miles

I said I may tell you so here I am with enough evidence to say either way. The North South divide appears to be a misnomer in this case and half the world doesn't seem to make much difference either. To whom it may concern, the answer very definately is yes, you can fall in love that way. Distance and location is no barrier where matters of my heart are concerned...